Dr. Wendy Mogel is Keynote Speaker at Mandell JCC's Parenting Conference

Most parents, and even adults who are not parents, would categorize those “frustrating and worrisome elements of adolescence” as things that turn their hair gray. Dr. Wendy Mogel, however, has a view of teenagers that differs from the mainstream stereotype; she calls those moments “blessings.”

Mogel, author of two best-selling books, “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee” and “The Blessing of a B Minus,” has been praised for her witty and straightforward advice about parenting. She has also attained recent notoriety for her appearance in the documentary, “,” which has attracted plenty of attention in recent months.

Mogel was involved with the documentary because she is on the scientific advisory board of “Challenge Success” at Stanford University – a program which, according to its website, looks to “challenge the conventional, high-pressure, and narrow path to success and offer practical alternatives to pursue a broader definition of success.”

I attended a screening of “” at just last week, and appreciated the opportunity to get an insider’s review.

Mogel thinks the movie is doing what it was designed to do. “In some communities, it has opened up a good dialogue,” she said. Mogel agrees that there’s some toxicity in our culture, but won’t point fingers. “Everybody has drunk the Kool-Aid,” she said. Mogel believes that part of the problem stems from things going on in the world that no one can control. “Many parents displace their anxiety and aim to overprotect, overindulge, and over-schedule their children.”

As a clinical psychologist and author, Mogel’s core piece of advice to parents is to let your kids take some risks and make some mistakes. “We’ve only recently realized that the prefrontal cortex of the brain is not fully developed until someone is in their 20s,” she said. That’s the part of the brain that controls executive functions, and governs decisions over right and wrong. Trial and error is the only way kids can learn to exercise good judgment according to Mogel.

Mogel firmly believes that parents should not do for kids what the kids can do themselves. Freedoms should be awarded based on responsibility, not because the kids feel entitled to them. Walking to school, clearing the table – those are all important. She said, “We over-praise, and we don’t demand good family citizenship. We aren’t preparing our kids to leave home.” Mogel said many times kids have the grades to get into good colleges, but they return home because they can’t cope on their own.

“We need some sort of a 12-step program – a ‘Parents Anonymous,’” she joked. “Children are like seeds that come in a packet without a label, and you need to give them food and water, and then wait.”

“I get a kick out of teenagers,” Mogel told me. “They’re so passionate in their convictions, and they love their friends so much,” she said.

And she is not bothered by some of the behaviors that drive parents crazy. Mogel even approves of the typical teenager’s messy room (we sometimes call my daughter’s room the “vomitorium” – because of the clothes which spew constantly from every drawer), because it is the place where they make their “nest to protect themselves.” She even sees the typical teenager’s tendency toward rudeness as a blessing.

My daughter is 16 and my son will join her as a teenager very soon (“in 3 weeks and 5 days” he told me just recently), and I appreciate any advice that may come my way. Mogel laughed when I told her about some of the conflicts we have faced in our own family, mostly centered on the aforementioned vomitorium, the rudeness, and my son’s addiction to an X-Box game that I am embarrassed to admit we let him play.

Regarding the rudeness, Mogel said, “I get concerned when teachers are complaining, or if [kids] are not respectful to their grandparents.” She told me that the best solution is really just to ignore it, advice I have tried very hard to follow ever since attending an enlightening presentation by Anthony Wolf, author of “Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?” Mogel thinks Wolf is brilliant. “I agree with everything he says,” she told me.

Mogel said that when teenagers are interested in something, they approach it with a fanatical passion. She assured me that my daughter’s passion about driving and my son’s video gaming is just that. After my discussion with Mogel, I will redouble my efforts to view my kids’ responses to me as their way of being “direct and authentic.”

Mogel will discuss her philosophy on how to be an effective parent in today’s world when she appears as the keynote speaker at the at the . The conference will be held on Sunday, April 10, from 10:15 a.m. until 1 p.m. The conference includes continental breakfast, a Q&A session, and a book signing. For more information, call 860-236-4571 or visit www.mandelljcc.org.

According to Parenting Conference Committee Chair Meryl Braunstein, Mogel’s presentation “promises to be inspiring, humorous, and effective in helping parents meet the day-to-day challenge of raising self-reliant and happy children.”