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MAY THE FORCE BE WITH ME...

Williams Sonoma's Star Wars cookie molds make mothers feel like failures.

My husband is responsible for taking care of the kids most
Saturdays.

I am not at the spa.

I am not getting a pedicure or lunching with friends.

I am working most Saturdays.


My husband will have everyone thinking that he has it very
rough.  He will tell random people that
he runs into at games, birthday parties, and the store that he’s a “single
dad.”


He finds this hilarious.


Last Saturday was the first basketball games of the season for
both kids.


When we all got home I asked how it went.


“Good, Sam’s coach seems nice and I saw Todd’s mom and we were
talking about the Star Wars party she’s having for him next weekend.”

(Todd is Sam’s friend – we have gone out socially with his
parents one time.)

“She said that we were invited to stay during the party and hang
out and eat…”

“Hmm, hmm,” I said distractedly as I read my email.

“So I told her that we would bring Star Wars cookies.” he threw
in nonchalantly.

 “And what did she say???”
I asked, hoping that this mother responded with something like “Oh no – that’s
not necessary!”

“She said “Great!” he answered.

“What??!! Why??!!!” I asked in shock.


“Well we have those cookie cutters…” he answered nonchalantly. ”What’s
the big deal?”


When a kind aunt that always gives my kids really cool stuff was
nice enough to give us these fancy Star Wars cookie cutters from Williams
Sonoma, I did what any level-headed woman would do. I hid the box in a closet.

Apparently Williams Sonoma thinks it’s just every mother’s dream
to sit around making baked goods into the shapes of Star Wars characters.


Also – if that’s not enough activity to kill all of your time
and your will to live you can also make Star Wars pancakes with their fancy pancake molds.


Needless to say Thursday afternoon came, and I had to get to
work on the cookies. First I went to the store to purchase the 47 types of
frosting I would need to create these cinematic masterpieces.

I made the sugar cookie dough. I hosted a play-date for Sam’s
friend and then two other kids came over for dinner, while their parents were
at a wake. I baked 5 dozen sugar cookies while the kids played.


When I cleaned up from dinner and had the kids had settled at
around 8 PM, it was time to start frosting the cookies.


“OK, I’m going to head up and take a shower and go to bed.” husband
said coolly as he started up the stairs.


“Oh no you aren’t.” I said threateningly. “You better take this
black frosting and start with some Darth Vaders.”


He huffed and puffed but attempted to help while I was working
diligently on my Storm Troopers.


He looked over with disgust…”What the heck is that?? That’s not
a Storm Trooper…it’s a sad dog with a headband on!!!”

 “WELL I’M NOT GOOD AT THIS!! THAT’S WHY I HID THE BOX TWO YEARS AGO AND NEVER TOOK IT OUT!!!!!” I yelled.

I had green and black frosting everywhere, the kitchen was
trashed and I was delirious.

“I hope you are happy…from now on when you go to games or
birthday parties keep your mouth shut!” I said with disgust.

By 9 o’clock he had completely abandoned ship.


I spent the entire night cursing him and George Lucas.

I was seeing double and exhausted when I finally finished all of
the cookies.

But then they looked absolutely horrible…nothing like the box.
Nothing like Williams Sonoma told me they would look like…


I made my husband come look at the cookies.

“I can’t see straight…my back and eyeballs are killing me….but
does this just look like an entire rack of Saddam Hussein cookies?? That’s all
I see.”

“No they look fine!” he said wearily. “Just go to bed!”


“I can’t go to bed now!! I still have to do Boba Fett’s black
trim and the red dots in the Yoda eyes!!”


In the end – they came out decent enough…..but I just think that the people who come up with these crafty little ideas at the Williams Sonoma corporation should be held accountable for the hours of torture they inflict on people…..

But in the meantime, in case anyone was wondering …I am the best
mother ever.



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