Foul and Funky Feet

Growing teenage bodies and elevated testosterone seem to have a distinct, offensive odor to everyone, except themselves.

I know I’m not alone in this torturously foul stage of growth because my teenage boys have friends that share similar hygiene habits. Certainly their parents are equally as offended by the road kill steaming in their size 11’s or the unexpected whiffs of body odor while on the computer. 

I came home to four teenage boys lounging in the family room, which had become a locked fortress harboring amplified foot odor and empty Gatorade bottles. All doors and windows were closed, leaving them to inhale their own fumes. All their shoes were off, propped up on coffee tables and couch pillows.  

“Boys! What died in here? My God, your feet!” I said.  

No one seemed fazed, affected or even inconvenienced by the sudden awareness.

If you have teenage boys (or raised teenage boys) you must be familiar with the gradual realization they are no longer little. They eat, sleep, eat, forget to brush their teeth, eat, question the importance of making their beds, eat, forget to clip their toe nails, eat and occasionally forgo wearing deodorant.  

After throwing the windows open, popping popcorn and lighting the headache inducing candles, my masking methods were merely a temporary fix to this ongoing hindrance.

The reality? Teenage boys give new meaning to amplified foot fragrance and I need to accept it, or purchase Yankee Candle in bulk.  

I began to think of all the consistent habits teenage boys tend to practice: 

  • If they can’t find clean shorts wedged in their dresser, they simply grab a wrinkled pair from the hamper. 
  • Instead of getting a plate from the cupboard, they eat over the sink. 
  • Even though gulping milk from the carton is forbidden, I know it’s done in my absence. 
  • Shoes and socks are left under the driveway basketball hoop, forgotten until a heavy rain.
  • Although rare, when desperate, batteries have been stolen from the television remote to resuscitate a video game controller.  
  • Perishable items are left on counter tops while wet towels from the shower slumber on bathroom floors.
  • I also chuckle at the congratulatory camaraderie while trying to outdo each other’s flatulence. There’s no dignity, only laughter with their latest accomplishment of clearing a room.  

It seems I’m constantly reminding them of personal hygiene and appearance. The problem is, most times they’re either unaware or could care less.  

Hopefully when girls become more of a factor, maybe, just maybe they’ll come to realize their mother may have been right. Winning brownie points with girls won’t be attained by their ability to clear a room with body odor. Let’s hope they don’t prove me wrong. 

Cynthia May 07, 2012 at 09:20 PM
Sad to inform you, girls right before puberty hits (6/7 grade), their feet stink too!
Jennifer Hunter May 07, 2012 at 11:12 PM
Cami Thanks for the Fun Read!,,,,My sister comes to mind and my Brother and his Boys...all have stinky Feet!.....Seems to be a world wide problem!.....Even my Sister's scrunchies REEK!...ha!
Robbie Tangreti May 08, 2012 at 12:37 AM
Marty's back baby!
Michelle May 08, 2012 at 03:08 AM
Yes i too feel your pain my sons friends -who all call me mom #2-even think its funny to come running over after football practice and give me a big sloppy sweaty foul smelling hug of love! The only other disgusting thing is while they eat most of them need to just strap a feed bag on to keep me from losing my appetite just at the sight of the actual shovel process! You always hit home with a relatable subject thanks for a good chuckle!
Marty Salvatore May 08, 2012 at 02:34 PM
In all my glory!


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